https://soundcloud.com/thetryingartist/very-rude

This is a rap song. There will be three of these, all of a certain calibre.

Needless to say, VErY RuDE, as implied by its jaunty use of capital letters, is not a serious song, and as with Bond films, is best judged on its own terms.

Seen as a golden classic by the 3-4 people who have had the wisdom to follow my musical career, it does have some merit. The beat, featuring my only use of slapped bass, could have been good if I hadn’t made it so sloppily. My bass playing was actually near its best around this time, when I still had lessons, and before I got into playing guitar a lot more. Can you tell?

Also, some of the lines are funny. A few of them. Well maybe not funny, but poetic, even.

‘It’s a bit early, so I just want some meat’ is very intriguing. I’m not sure the average person prefers meat, and only meat, at an earlier hour. Maybe I’m wrong. But the key to many of these lines is improvisation. I assume that they were basically made up on the spot, with revisions in the more refined middle section.

The poetic voice then confounds us all with the revelation that he actually ordered ‘chicken burger and fries’. So not just meat then. And all because he’s ‘in a good mood’. So maybe the early hour provokes a desire for meat, and his contentment does the same for fried potato.

There are wild accusations of ‘this place’s lies’, completely unfounded, and then we come to the crux of the protagonist’s pain: ‘and he didn’t give me ketchup with my food’.

This leads to a cataclysmic reaction from our antihero, who fucks shit up and then gets on his figurative high horse and figuratively gallops off. But not before uttering my favourite line:

‘McDonald’s is going down,
McDonald’s has got to pay,
And I’m not gonna fucking stay,
And brush it away with a frown‘

A ridiculously quaint last phrase there, although perhaps appropriate from a character who later refers to his victims’ phones as ‘telecoms’.

***SPOILER ALERT***  The saga ends with the protagonist declaring: ‘I have plans’, before gradually realising that the bullet that hit him earlier has actually left him deceased. A lame ending, although you do get to hear the brushing frown line again.

JME is a much better rapper, but he also likes to throw in the odd quaint phrase, as in this classic:

‘Put the TV on mute, have a drink but I don’t blaze’
‘You need to type of this CV, Microsoft Word, that’s you, you’re a nerd’
‘I’m left-handed, my mum calls me lefty’